


tears and strawberry milk

by kenmagoesblep



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Future Fic, Light Angst, M/M, kageyama and hinata are now second years
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2019-06-14 14:29:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15390783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kenmagoesblep/pseuds/kenmagoesblep
Summary: Kageyama would never play any other position in volleyball, but being the setter meant it had its own burden to carry.--In which Kageyama feels terrible and Hinata does his best to help.





	tears and strawberry milk

**Author's Note:**

  * For [todoyamas (octorina)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/octorina/gifts).



> hey everyone!!!!!! its been a while since i last posted something, but we're here!!!! hELL YEAH  
> this is an early birthday gift for my dear friend @todoyamas, thats been around for the past 6 years and probably knows more about me than my own parents LHGSLKGSDHLK i love her very much and i wish i had started writing this earlier, but it took me a while to figure out what to do. welp, what matters is that i'm posting in time!!!!!  
> hope everyone enjoys it!!!!

Kageyama would never play any other position in volleyball, but being the setter meant it had its own burden to carry.

 

That being said, sometimes, losing an important game falls right into your back — and when Karasuno gets eliminated at the Spring Interhigh and has to come home, Kageyama has only himself to blame. He learns one does not win or lose a game on their own by the time he was done with his first year, but even now, as a second year, as soon as they leave the court after bowing to all their opponents, the judges and the disappointed crowd, he starts thinking about the ways he failed. How he failed to recognize that the person he decided to toss to would get blocked. How he couldn’t predict who was going to attack and from which side of the court. How he didn’t realize he had more confidence walking into the court than he probably should.

 

The other team played well. Karasuno did too, but ultimately, Kageyama’s bad choices led to them losing, he thinks as washes his face at the stadium’s change room, dragging his hands through his face, fingers pressing against his closed eyes. The match plays in his mind like a movie and he can pick at each and every play, and he absolutely hates it.

 

He can feel his team watching from afar. Ennoshita, who’s trying to not emote as he does his best to hold up to the team he knew he wouldn’t lead anymore and he instructs the confused first years on how to pack the team’s stuff, takes a peek at him from time to time. Nishinoya and Tanaka barely noticed a change in his demeanor, but still slapped his back in support before going silent. Kinoshita quietly cries in the corner as he changed out of his uniform, frustrated he barely played, and Narita sat by him, equally sullen. Tsukishima is too upset himself to make any asshole comments, but still stares from time to time. Yamaguchi tries his best to cheer him up, but Kageyama barely hears him through the loud roar of the stadium. Two first years tried to approach him, but Kageyama accidentally scared them off when he looked them back.

 

And there’s Hinata, who had been standing right next to Kageyama since they left the volleyball court, brushing shoulders and hands constantly. It was evident that he was upset too — Hinata was the sort of idiot to be constantly emoting, grunting and cortorting himself, even when he didn’t want them to be, and he had that pained expression sitting permanently on his face since the end of their first set. The other team really targeted him and he didn’t get as many opportunities to jump as he craved. But that didn’t stop him from caring about Kageyama, watching him closely for the last half an hour or so.

 

“Can you stop staring at me?” he hisses once he sees Hinata follow him suit when he goes for his back to get clean clothes. “I’m fine.”

 

“No, you’re not,” Hinata retorts right away as he comes even closer, slightly pushing him with his shoulder so he can reach his own bag. “You’re making your stinky angry face again,”  he furrows his eyebrows and pouts, trying to imitate him, and that only makes Kageyama angrier.

 

“No, I’m not. Stupid.” he pouts without even noticing, his voice cracking the slightest, but it leaves as soon as he manages to untangle his t-shirt from the rest of the things in his personal bag.

 

Even after dating for almost a full year, Hinata still managed to get on his nerves. Kageyama’s pretty sure he could be even more annoying now that they knew so much about each other.

 

Kageyama loved him, but sometimes, Hinata was too much — Hinata is loud at any and all circumstances, makes a bunch of nonsensical noises when he can’t pick a word, wants constant physical contact and affection, knows all of Kageyama’s insecurities and hidden ticklish spots. But none of that really bothered Kageyama, that’s just the way Hinata _is_ and he’d be lying if he said he hated it, but Kageyama doesn’t appreciate that Hinata consistently prodded at him, trying to get him to talk about his feelings. He insisted on the idea that he should start talking more about his emotions so he can get better at it.  Not that he was completely wrong, per se, because Kageyama did improve many of his relations to friends and teammates after opening up and subsequently learning how to deal with feelings, but he’ll never admit it. Hinata looks way too smug when he knows he’s right and Kageyama doesn’t particularly appreciates them. And so are Hinata’s pity looks, like the kind he’s giving Kageyama now.

 

But Kageyama doesn’t fight when Hinata doesn’t go away. Hinata was changing right next to him and lending his deodorant, standing just a few more inches away, respecting his need for personal space, and even more so, he’s still there _for him._  His heart still aches and there’s a lump on his throat, but it feels a little better.

 

The pain of losing and being eliminated from nationals after playing the whole day starts cracking Kageyama when Coach Ukai takes the team to have dinner before going back to the hostel and everyone cries into their bowls.

 

The game plays another time in the setter’s head as he stuffs his face with food, his body hurting from effort, hunger and sadness, but Kageyama still tells himself his eyes are filling up because of peer pressure.

 

It was a matter of time until Hinata cracked, sobbing and hiccupping, and with everyone around him being in the same condition, he didn’t hold up for much longer. Sitting by Kageyama’s side, his face covered with tears, snot and spilled rice, he continuously gives him side-eyes and more plates with meats and vegetables. When he stops eating, he slumps against his boyfriend’s shoulder, and Kageyama holds him closer. Even the sun needed to be comforted from time to time.

 

When Karasuno’s volleyball team gets back to their hostel to rest, Hinata refuses to stay and watch, bouncing from foot to foot, annoyingly full of energy and frustration, begging the coach to let him run around the block.

 

The rest of the team stays and Kageyama sits in front of everyone when they gather around the TV to watch the news, see the results of that day’s matches, check who would make it to the final rounds. The setter watches the small clips of the other matches to see their techniques and watches even closer when he and his team show up on screen, seeing the mistakes in his own form.

 

After a while, he can’t watch it anymore, and neither does the team. Everyone scatters. Some go take showers, some go to sleep, some sit together and cry some more. Kageyama goes to the second years’ assigned room and starts setting his and Hinata’s futons next to the window.

 

They should’ve won that match, they had everything going in their favor. What happened? What did they do wrong? What did _he_ do wrong?

 

“Did you come here to sulk all by yourself?” his boyfriend’s soft spoken question breaks the terrible silence that reigns in the empty room, interrupting Kageyama’s sniffling. He rubs his eyes and nose some more, curling up slightly, but can’t stop himself this time. He gulps up a breath and whimpers when he exhales.

 

“Stupidyama, I told you to come with me for a jog,” Hinata’s voice cracks again, making Kageyama’s heart hurt even more, then dashes to sit by his side and hold him.  

 

Kageyama is much taller than Hinata and is all hunched over, curled up and sitting on his side, but Hinata keeps pulling him in to cry on his shoulder, hugging tight, and so he does. He cries for every opportunity he wasted or lost that game, he struggles to breath thinking about what he could’ve done better, punches the ground beside them for each point the other team scored because he failed to be the setter his team needed to win and progress on the Spring Interhigh. Kageyama’s expectations of himself pushed him to his limits, both for bad and for good, and he painfully buries his face on his boyfriend’s shoulder as he rubs circles on Kageyama’s back with one hand and caresses his hair with the other.  

 

“Stop blaming yourself for these things, Tobio,” Hinata sternly says, kissing the top of his head, taking his hand away from Tobio’s back to reach for something by his side. “We all played today, not just you. It’s not your fault.” he repeats, and then motions for Kageyama to stand up. Hinata then brings a strawberry milk carton to his field of vision, stabs it with the straw and puts it to Kageyama’s mouth before he questions.  

 

“I know,” Kageyama croaks a response, sniffling hard before starting to drink. Some more tears roll down his cheeks, feeling loved but still miserable.

 

“No, you don’t,” his boyfriend counters immediately, scrunching up his whole face in his anger, holding Kageyama’s face with both hands. Hinata says each word accompanied by a kiss to his cheeks and nose. “If you really knew, you idiot, you wouldn’t be blaming yourself like this. Stupid.”

 

“You’re stupid,” he tries to sound intimidating but ultimately fails, his throat betraying him.

 

Hinata handles Kageyama milk carton after another until his plastic bag is empty while they cuddle next to the window, makes random comments about the cars passing by, tells him childhood stories, points at lights in the sky and makes him guess if its a star or a helicopter. Hinata isn’t particularly good at comforting, not when its deliberate, but he tries his best to keep Kageyama close to him and away from the game. None of them is particularly good at avoiding it, though, and both of them sniff and cry again a couple of times, dragging the other along, but they’re there for each other. They’re not alone in their loss or their grieving.

 

Kageyama only notices they’re almost completely laying down on the ground, tangled on each other, when Tsukishima walks in and and they both shoot up, trying to act like nothing was going on. Tsukishima only scoffs, sniffs and goes to the other futons, lighting his way through with the flash of his phone while he walks.

 

Soon after, Yamaguchi comes in, red puffy eyes barely open, announces to the other 3 second years that everyone was going to sleep and lays down without saying anything else, and Kageyama and Hinata take this as a sign that everyone’s going to sleep, so they rush to the showers, change and come back to finally rest.

 

Though It embarrassed him way too much to admit it, Kageyama realizes he can’t sleep because he feels too alone in his futon. And so, he shimmies his way to the edge of his futon and tries to raise Hinata’s comforter without waking him up, but then, Hinata meets him halfway, wrapping his arms around him and draping one leg over his, audibly smiling.

 

“You smell nice,” he mumbles against his back, contently nuzzling his shoulder.

 

“You’re cheesy, stupid,” Kageyama grumbles, but still scoots closer, getting comfortable.

 

“Why do you still get so embarrassed when I appreciate you?” Hinata half complains, half chuckles, and then goes silent for a little. They bask in each other’s presence for a little longer before Hinata kisses his nape. “You have to appreciate you more, Tobio. You already do too much. You’re super good at everything you do.”

 

Kageyama isn’t sure why, but feeling so warm under the blankets with so much warmth in his chest kinda makes him want to cry some more. Hinata always makes him feel like that, he figures, but feeling it at that moment, when he feels like a disaster, is too much. But also, something he needs to hear.

 

“This is sweet and all,” Tsukishima suddenly speaks up from the other side of the room, his diction dripping with disdain and sarcasm, slapping his hands against his stomach. “but if you guys start making out, I’m gonna puke.”

 

“Oh, _go to hell,_ ” Kageyama barks at him, his voice cracking mid-sentence.

 

All the other boys in the room fall into fits of laughter, bubble after bubble of laugh coming out, until Ukai screams from afar. Only then their cackling dies down, slowly devolving into small giggles until it fades completely.

 

Hinata squeezes him even tighter after that, and, despite still feeling pretty bad, Kageyama feels relaxed. He feels safe, secured, as though no drop of nightmare would ever reach to him now that's he wrapped in Hinata's ever loving embrace. He and Hinata sleep soundly through the night.

**Author's Note:**

> you can talk to me through [tumblr](http://kenmagoesblep.tumblr.com/) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/kenmagoesblep). hope you liked the fic! if so, please consider leaving a comment!


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